Well, yesterday went in well, I experimented few things, first I went to a meditation camp which was referred by my boss, I had decided that I will go with hope and no preconceived notion and criticism. I did exactly same. I went and followed what others followed for 90 minutes. It was first of all a 45 minutes drive from my home; i had promised myself that I will not drink the previous day even though it was Sunday.
I woke up sharp at 5 a.m. got ready and reached the ashram in an hour’s time with a tea and cigarette in between. I started with light music in car and went with no expectations, I had just decided whatever I see and face I am going to experience it and then decide.
Well, I parked my car, followed others, around 150 people, they all sat in one place, no body spoke a word. I thought they are waiting for someone to commence, induct as I came 15 minutes ahead of 7:30. After 15 minutes of wait, in the background some spiritual guru's recorded message was being played, I tried to gather few things but the voice clarity was not good. I waited.
Suddenly at sharp 7:30 a.m. somebody said something which I missed and then what I saw that everybody in the open air room closed their eyes and there was pin drop silence, I tried to understand the situation, I thought it is some preparatory exercise, so your mind, soul and body is tuned in to the meditation.
After 5 minutes of speculation and wait for somebody to appear, I thought it is going to be long before somebody commences the meditation or speak, so I decided to follow others. I too closed my eyes and started thinking the same which I was doing for last 20 minutes by keeping my eyes open.
After some time I started hearing birds chanting from the neighborhood trees. Birds were making variety of sounds, that was pleasant. I was enjoying it, after 15 minutes or so, I noticed keeping my eyes closed, that some people started snoring, as the age group was right from 20 to 70 a guess, I thought elderly ones or the ones who did not have a good night sleep have fallen asleep. On the other hand I really started appreciating the preparatory course before actual commencement of the mediation. They wanted everybody in the room to be completely alert, out of their sleep and are in perfect mindset to start receiving what will be told in few minutes.
Well, I don't know but I think after around 30 minutes or so I too fell asleep and I was half conscious, I might be in the same state for around 15 minutes, then suddenly I felt, I was falling from the chair I was sitting on. I opened my eyes for a while and saw everybody in the same position and state when we started all this. I thought it could be any moment now and started assuming that the whole meditation would last for around 2, 3 hours. That started giving me first feeling of getting and walking out. But then I thought of holding it back for a while.
Again when I next opened my eyes it was 45 past 8, more than 90 minutes of my sitting in the chair, without hearing anybody, or talking or receiving any piece of advice, mantras. This was strange. Then suddenly, somebody said something and I woke up from my half sleep. I was feeling good though, few people came forward and said for couple of minutes which sounded like some chapter, part of Bible, Geeta or Quran. Only difference was that there was repetitive reference of some Guru.
Then there came a guy who made few announcements, referred few brothers and sisters and gave some directions for collecting books etc.
I came along with others out of the room. Was wondering what to do next as my boss had informed me that he is off sick and will not make it instead I can meet his wife, as I had not seen her earlier and was not having her cell number I could not reach her.
I met an old colleague of mine who thought I am a regular member of the ashram and do meditation regularly. When I told him I came for the first time, he was quite surprised and awkward to see me in the meditation hall straight away. He took me to my boss’s wife and introduced me. To my and their surprise I came to know that it was long process before jumping into the meditation hall. What surprised more was that in my 90 minutes of sitting, all others in the hall were meditating.
Well, I had mixed feeling, but definitely my colleague, boss’s wife and one more colleague who came for the first time were not finding situation amusing, they were little upset that I directly went into the meditation hall and skipped initial 3, 4 sittings with a guide/mentor, registration and book purchasing process. They thought without understanding the concept of meditation, Guru’s directions and method/style of meditation and preaching’s I straight away went in Nirvana.
Well, that was it, after a brief discussion, I realized, what I am looking for is similar in nature, I mean the experience in the meditation hall but what bogged me down or made me nervous was that I will have to follow some guru, some preaching’s, some set methodologies, somebody’s believes and practices and then there would too many people around me with whom I will have to search for Nirvana, peace of mind, self realization. This was not acceptable to me. But I really thank my boss for giving me this experience, exposure and first insight into meditation. I will not join the ashram or group and follow a guru, but whatever I learnt yesterday was definitely a good and unique experience. I am going to take it further and see that I find myself, do self introspection and realization and meditate in a way I enjoy most.
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